Please, let me fuck your mom
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
