What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
