Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
