i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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