I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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