Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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