my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
