So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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