Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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