I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
