bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
