This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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