just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize