I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize