It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
