I just threw up on my dentist
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
