TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
