just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
