i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
