Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
