It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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