Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
