I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
