dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
