i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
