That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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