I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
