Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
