How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
