Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
