i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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