Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
