He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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