Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
