My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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