well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
