First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You ruined the universe
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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