He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize