I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
