apparently the secret to your success is patron
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
