She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
