What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize