i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
did i just pee glitter
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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