Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if only i could text you this smell
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
