hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
