Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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