Someone shit on the floor
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
