you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
