Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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