I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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