What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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