her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
