hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
