Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
