I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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