I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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