My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
vagina is talking i cant
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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