Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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