I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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