i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
