can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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