well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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