$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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