you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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