I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
