McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
