Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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