Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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