What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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