Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
