I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize