so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im six kinds of drunk right now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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