Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
