I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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