I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
