Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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