I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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