Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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