I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
