mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
did i walk over a car last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
