I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
