I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We talked him into tasing himself.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
