I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
