Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
