haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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