you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
