Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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