I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
