Betty ford says i'm here all night
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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