Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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