I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize