I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
