she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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