i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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