I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You can't motorboat a personality
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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