Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
